Maybe reality just tends to sink in slower for me than for other people... and maybe that's because I tend to go through life at a brisk speed, because I'm afraid of what would happen if I slowed down. W thinks I take risks (because I like trying new restaurants and activities), but I actually find myself to be very risk adverse. I don't like the unknowns of life.
Anyway, soon summer will be here and I will have started my summer internship. Made me think about myself and how I should be perceived. I wrote a personal note about how I am jealous of my friends who are in the creative fields... they get to be themselves, and the more they put themselves out there, the better. They can post lots of pictures of themselves doing whatever fun they are doing on their blogs, sites, whatever. Not that I crave to be noticed, as I prefer anonymous recognition if any recognition at all (besides recognition at work! that's good), but I wish I could just be myself.
In the professional world, I feel like I can 'be myself' only so long as I still fit the standard. It's kind of embarrassing, but this whole train of thought all started with this blog. I seriously feel like once June rolls around, I should shut down this blog... just in case they find it. Not like I even write anything that ridiculous on here. I just feel like... the less "they" know about "me," the better.... the safer. Is that sad? I mean, I went from a very public journal to this pretty anonymous one and now am approaching... nothing. Oh well. There are cons to every pro, and I certainly can't complain about how things are going. I have been very fortunate.
In less emo news... Fortune smiled upon me last week, when I was summoned for jury duty but was never called in to the voir dire process :D I mean, sitting in that jury waiting room for several hours sucked, but almost worth that sense of 'hallelujah!' one gets when the voicespeaker comes on at 4 pm and tells us remaining lucky few that we are dismissed and our duty is done. You should have seen our beaming faces as we rode the elevator down. My thoughts about the jury process/system can be saved for another day.
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Picture of the Day
Planter near the Colburn School of Performing Arts, Los Angeles
I just found the little green things so calming and slightly unreal.
